An unplanned pregnancy can create turmoil and distress in any family. It can raise questions that have no easy answers. You may have had reactions that you never anticipated. What matters most is that you stand with your child and give them the love and support that only you can.
Finding a doctor or clinic that can provide medical care is an important first step. If your daughter is under your medical coverage, you will want to check to see if your daughter’s prenatal care and delivery are covered. If your daughter does not have coverage, you can find information about community programs she may qualify for by contacting a local pregnancy center. Find Help Near You
When considering your child’s unplanned pregnancy, it can be helpful to have someone who is less emotionally involved to talk with. Respecting the right of privacy for everyone involved, a professional will listen, understand, empathize, and offer information about options. Problem solving is best done with clear heads, especially when hearts are wounded.
Your child has options and choices to make. Bethany is here to provide useful information about those options to help you make sound decisions or find pregnancy counseling from a professional who can assist you in those important decisions.
While it is ultimately your child’s choice to make, they will need your support and may be open to talking it through with you. Find a professional who you can trust and who will help your child to sort through, not only the choices but also her values, which will impact the choices that she makes.
Seek a professional who can either refer you to resources concerning teenage pregnancy support or help you to make a parenting plan. A professional in your community may know specific resourcesthat will be helpful to all of you. Bethany also offers a number of resources that will help you find support that can help your child to parent successfully.
One question that most grandparents have is: “Once the decision is made to parent, what will my role be?” There is no formula for what grandparents should or should not do. Frequent and honest communication about what is needed, what is expected, and what you are willing, and not willing, to do will be helpful in reducing the stress and strain as the family’s dynamics change.
An unplanned pregnancy often has a considerable effect on both grandparents and parents. When adoption is the choice, it is important that you understand what this decision can mean for your child and grandchild.
Many expectant parents choose an open adoption plan, which generally means that the birth and adoptive parents meet, exchange identifying information, and plan to have some level of ongoing contact-contact that varies with each plan. The relationship that develops between birth and adoptive families and the trust that follows are central to successful open adoption plans.
However, some expectant parents want the assurance that their child is doing well with the adoptive family, but they feel that ongoing contact is more than they want. This type of adoption plan is referred to as a semi-open adoption.
Finally, some expectant parents want their child to know their birth history but without identifying information or ongoing contact. These are commonly referred to as confidential adoption plans.
Expectant parents can choose the adoptive parents for their child by looking through profiles that adoptive parents create. Expectant parents may also choose to meet the adoptive couple to confirm their decision and to begin to build a relationship with the couple. Your child may want to involve you in that process of choosing adoptive parents.
When birth and adoptive families choose the type of adoption plan they prefer, they also make decisions about the type of ongoing contact. It is important to remember that, like other relationships, adoptive relationships are dynamic and can change, grow, and develop over time. But, in the end, the plans center on what is going to be best for the child whom they all love.
“We are totally at peace with our daughter’s decision for adoption. It was a difficult decision for her-more than it was for both of us, but is was very wise.”
~ Jeff and Nancy, birthgrandparents
Regardless of your child’s decision regarding her adoption plan, there will be loss for you as well as your child. An open adoption may reduce that loss but will not eliminate it. Grief and loss are normal reactions and do not make the adoption decision a wrong one.
You will likely want someone to talk with about your feelings as you work through your own sadness and grief. After all, this is your grandchild, and while you want the best for your child and your grandchild, letting go is not easy.
Your daughter may view abortion as a quick, easy solution to her unplanned pregnancy.